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Dear Santa: Funny Christmas Greeting Card

Item #: 1087
Cover Reads: Dear Santa, You must be surprised that I am writing you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you a letter and asked for a bicycle an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brin studying this year. I had the best grades in school and no one in the neighborhood behaved better than me. I went on errands for my parents, I helped the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What balls you have for leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a lame whistle, and a pair of ugly socks. What the fuck were you thinking, you fat prick? As if you hadn't fucked me enough, you gave that little shit across the street so many toys he can't even walk into his house. Don't let me see you trying to fit your big, fat ass down my chimney next year. I'll fuck you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the north pole, you fat slob. Fuck you, santa. next year you'll find out just how bad I can be, you fat cocksucker. Sincerely, Johnny
Inside Reads: Have A Badass Christmas.
GREETED version (5" x 7")
BLANK version (not greeted 5" x 7")
The more you buy of the same card, the more you save!
1$4.28 ea.
2 - 11$3.00 ea.
12+$1.50 ea.
Funny Christmas Greeting Card from - Dear Santa image 1Funny Christmas Greeting Card from - Dear Santa image 2

Occasion: Christmas

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Little Johnny received crap presents. Little Johnny was enraged by his crap presents. Beware of Little Johnny and his letter to Santa: He suffers from conduct disorder and has antisocial tendencies. So, everyone should be a little on edge. That includes you, fat man.

Everyone remembers being pissed at Santa at some point when they were younger. Like when that awesome blue bike turned into wool knee socks. Or those new, talking dolls turned into a hideous argyle sweater. How did that fat bastard get it soooo wrong?

Well, Johnny's not going to take it sitting down. This Dear Santa Letter from Little Johnny was written on December 26th, when rage and disappointment replaced milk and cookies and blinded Little Johnny’s limited, slightly mentally ill perspective. Johnny writes: “What balls you have for leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a lame whistle, and a pair of ugly socks. What the fuck were you thinking, you fat prick?”

This naughty Dear Santa card is laugh-out-loud hilarious and is a perfect gift for anyone who remembers the bitterness of disappointing Christmas mornings. A funny Christmas card is much better than a lame whistle or dumb-ass card. Don't be the jerk who gets your friends a bullshit snowflake card. Get them NobleWorks’ funny Christmas cards and our infamous Dear Santa Christmas card instead.

As if you couldn’t guess, we care about the environment. Duh, doesn’t everyone? That’s why the paper stock we use in these cards come from well-managed forests and post-consumer recycled fiber. This card is also clearly printed in the U.S., because no other country is quite this deranged.
Shipping weight: 1 oz
Dimensions: 5 x 7 x 0.1 inches
Name: Dear Santa Card
Occasion: Christmas
Line: Talk Bubbles
Greeting Card Style: Regular Version: 5" x 7"
Artist: NobleWorks Inc
Credit: Art by NobleWorks
Paper Stock: Pulp used in the making of this paper came from mixed sources of well managed forests, controlled sources and post-consumer recycled fiber. Printed in the USA.
Introduced: March 15, 2009
UPC: 745469010879
Availability: In Stock
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Review Summary
Dear Santa Card   $4.28
12 Reviews
100% (12)
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100% Recommend this product (12 of 12 responses)
By Frank
Peoria, AZ
January 13, 2020
Hilarious.. a classic
By bjh
December 24, 2019
So Funny!
Sent this to my son in the Army. He laugh so hard. And then shared it with his buddies who thought it was hilarious. It really brightened their day. Thanks for your humor!
By Karen
December 15, 2019
Excellent quality, fast shipping, and funniest card I've found so far!
This is the 2nd year I've gotten my cards from Noble Works. These cards are printed on thicker paper than what I have found in a store and just have an overall higher quality feel to them. I also think they have the best selection of humorous cards. My sister just received hers and said her husband thought it was so funny, he's bringing it to his brother's house to show him.
By Colin
Moyock, NC
December 7, 2019
Great products
I can always find the Christmas cards I want Nobleworks. Great variety, prices and prompt service.
By Kay
Worth, IL
August 15, 2019
Dear Santa
Funniest card I have ever seen!
By Paul L. Bigby, I I
Pomona, California
January 4, 2019
This is the best Christmas card I have ever seen ! On a scale of 1 -10, one being worst & 10 being best, I'd rate this card at an 11 ! I send this card to my closest family members who have a great sense of humor. I'll keep getting this card as long as it is produced !
ProsGREAT CARD ! Keeps a mile on my face every time I read it.
By Mimi
Chicago IL
December 30, 2018
Hysterically naughty
I can't remember laughing that hard in a long time. I was actually crying. By myself. Could only buy a few of these because of the language, but it was well worth it. One in a million!
By Vicki
Burlington, MA
December 26, 2018
A shocker :-)
Send THIS card to a friend or family member you know REALLY well & you know has a great sense of humor. A friend I sent this card to said it was "the funniest card he's ever received"!!!
ProsGreat for shock value
ConsNot for grandma (unless she's a WILD WOMAN) or someone you don't know well.
December 22, 2018
The title 'Dear Santa', misleading. It should be 'I'm Going To F**k You Up Santa'.
This card maybe the funniest card ever. I sent 7-8 of these to my friends and they agreed. Several called and asked where I got them. Duh! Go to the web site. Do I get commission?
Happy Holicards!
By Bob
Oceanside, Ca.
December 22, 2018
Best Card Hands Down!
Hilarious. Gotten phone calls from everyone I sent them to saying it's the funniest card they have ever gotten! I Laughed till my sides hurt. It may not be however for certain groups as the profanity is very strong and definitely not for children. It is a card for adults that take no offense to a little swearing!
By David Keefe
November 18, 2018
Badass Johnny
Love this card- funny as all get out and its printed on high quality paper!
ConsNeed more Johnny cards.
By Brian
williamstown, NJ
November 17, 2018
One of my favorite cards
This was one of my favorite cards I bought, there is another card that goes along with it. Hope they turn it into a collection of cards.
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