Trivia Top 10 Lists for All Funny Reasons and Occasions

Here at NobleWorks Cards, we’ve spent over 30 years perfecting the art of greeting card humor, and we love nothing more than sharing that with you. Our funny top lists break down some of our most popular birthday, holiday, anniversary and Mother’s Day cards for you, so you can be sure you’re getting a humor-packed product with a punch. Our lists include things like the Top 10 Elf Cards, where you can explore one of our most popular card lines that features The Seven Dwarves of old age, work, motherhood and more.

We’ve also organized a Top 10 Halloween Jokes list to help you create a uniquely hilarious Halloween sentiment. Spoiler alert: the No. 1 Halloween joke on our list is “What do you call a witch that lives near Miami beach?” Obviously, the answer is a “sand-which.” We also offer a list explaining the top 10 reasons why funny dogs are better than men (as if we even needed such a list) and a top 20 list of British slang. Our favorite one from that list is definitely “tosser,” which sounds like the name for a person who makes a salad, but really means an idiot. We’ve written lists for the top 10 humor sites, top 10 worst X-mas stories, top 10 things to do in an elevator and so much more.

In addition to hilarious top 10 lists, we’ve also created an expansive selection of hilarious greeting cards just for you. Take a stroll through our virtual card store and you’ll find some of the most clever birthday cards, holiday cards, anniversary cards and more to help you add a bit of comic relief to your special occasions. If you’re struggling to figure out what to write on the inside, explore our pages filled with funny quotes, lists and trivia. 

Top 10 Rules of Bacon



1. There shall always be bacon in the house. Always.

2. There isn't a food that doesn't go on well with bacon. Not even ice cream.

3. There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who love bacon and those who do not.

4. Bacon is so tasty even pigs will eat it.

5. There is no wrong way to cook, boil or fry bacon.

6. Most of the world's problems can be solved with more bacon. Fact.

7. Meals without bacon are simply not meals.

8. You shall consume bacon every day of the week.

9. Bacon makes everything taste better. Just add bacon.

10. Bacon will get you laid.

Top 10 Humor Sites



We at NobleWorks have put together a short list of funny, but very risque, humor sites that complement the humor of our funny cards:

9Gag is a collection of funny jokes and pictures all in one place. Users add their own funny internet finds on the site. Readers can build up their own collections of jokes and funny pictures. This is a great place to look to for what's hot to tweet to your friends.

Cracked.com is an online magazine that has funny videos, insanely funny articles, forums, games, and funny stories submitted by fans. The stories range from factual to fictitious, and everything in between.

Break.Com is a collection of funny videos, funny clips and other ways to waste time on your much too short office or lunch break. You don't have to be logged in to see all the trending videos. Videos can be submitted by anyone. Once you're registered, you can share all your Break.Com activities on Facebook.

College Humor is a collection of funny videos, funny pictures and funny articles aimed at the college crowd, or at least, people who still relate to college life. The NSFW, R-rated joke section has been tucked away for logged in users to see.

FailBlog is a humor site within a humor site within a humor site! It's like humor inception! It has tons of "fail" an expression of laughing over someone's failure. It's attached to the Cheezburger site, a place know for stealing several hours of productivity from the lives of many young adults.

The Chive is a site that has humor, articles, pictures, interesting stories and is a fun dating site as well! When not searching for love, users can search for laughs or trending stories and be entertained for hours. There are some very NSFW pictures, so be mindful of how you spend your lunch break!

Video Bash is just what it sounds like: a collision of interesting videos from the internet. There are even games and pictures, but the focus is on bringing the top videos to its fans. Anyone can submit a video.

Xkcd is a website that looks like a comic strip. The comic strip is about funny stick-figure jokes. It has unusual humor and sometimes even mathematics which might make it "unsuitable for liberal arts majors." 

eBaums World is a...actually, I have no idea what the site is about. I was scrolling through the funny gallery for a good five minutes in a deep trance as I looked at gifs, funny pictures and a jiggling butt. All I know is that it was hard to pull myself away from the funny, random things on the site.

The Onion is fake news website. It's funny because it's written close enough to a real website that the news almost seems plausible. Almost. There are fake broadcast news stories and fake print stories.
 
9Gag                     http://9gag.com/
Cracked                http://www.cracked.com/
Break                    http://www.break.com/
College Humor     http://www.collegehumor.com/
Fail Blog               http://failblog.org/
The Chive             http://thechive.com/
Video Bash           http://www.videobash.com/
Xkcd                     https://www.xkcd.com/
eBaums World      http://www.ebaumsworld.com/
The Onion             http://www.theonion.com/
Read more:            https://www.nobleworkscards.com/top-10-humor-sites.html

Top 10 Elf Cards



10. The 7 Menopausal Dwarves 


These funny menopausal ladies are Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Bloaty, Sleepy, Forgetful and Psycho! P.S. Watch out for the last one with the machete knife! Luckily, there is nothing to fear, as all these ladies will be gone in a flash!

9. The 7 Dwarves of Old Age 

 

These dwarves embody all the things we dread about getting older and funny old age jokes in general: There is Nappy, Wrinkly, Squinty, Rocky, Saggy, Farty and Leaky. Don�t let the last dwarf near your couch. Don�t try to say that we didn�t warn you.

8. The 7 Dwarves of Motherhood 


These funny motherhood cartoons show the phases most people encounter with motherhood: Huggy, Fussy, Worry, Naggy, Guilty, Saintly and the Enabler. The Enabler is the one who just happens to have a fresh batch of cookies that need to be checked and tasted for quality.

7. The 7 Dwarves of Work 


These little office elves have a lot to do, but not much of it seems to be doing work! There is Sleepy, Flirty, Drinky, Loafy, Lunchy, Gabby and Buttkiss. They�ll fill up those 40 hours a week doing what they do best: Not working. Remember, everyone loves funny office cards!

6. Santa Bear, and the 7 Gay Elves 


The names of these fabulous elves are Bitchy, Twinky, Horny, Queeny, Hunky, Tweeky and Butchy. They Keep Santa fabulous the other 364 days of the year. Also, their connection to the Gay Mafia was just a rumor.

5. Elf Stats 


This card shows that as in the human population, 1 out of every 10 elves is actually a fairy!

4. The 7 Dwarves of Xmas 


Gifty, Cheery, Cooky, Twinkly, Santy, Chargey and Carol are the dwarves of the Christmas season! Watch out with your wallet and Chargey and let Cooky into your kitchen to whip you some fresh, homemade Christmas cookies!

3. Elf Awareness Elf


This elf is the guiding force behind maintaining the positive elf image and avoiding the pitfalls of elf abuse. Elf peer-pressure is a serious issue and building up elf self confidence is key!

2. Santa�s Elves


How does Santa obtain all his elves? He has a recruiting company, of course! Where elves originally come from, no one knows because of the strict don�t-ask-don�t-tell policy of real elf homeland.

1. Cookieholics Anonymous 


How did Santa start off on his cookie habit? I mean, you didn�t really think that everyone came up with the idea of leaving out cookies of all kinds for Santa on their own, did you? No. Santa was hooked on the sugary goodness of Christmas cookies and brought those people better gifts. The houses with Girl Scout cookies reportedly had the greatest gifts even if they weren�t so nice. Word spread, Santa�s appetite increased, and he has been trying to break the habit ever since. 

Top 10 Halloween Jokes



10. What do skeletons say before dinner?
Bone appetite. 9. What subject is a witch's best subject in school?
Spelling. 8. Why do witches still fly on broom after all these years?
Vacuum cleaners don't have a long enough cord. 7. What do monsters have for desert?
Ice Scream. 6. Why didn't the skeleton cross the street?
He didn't have the guts. 5. What do people on Twitter do on Halloween?
Trick-or-tweet. 4. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare. 3. Where ghosts water ski?
On Lake Erie. 2. Where do ghosts go to relax?
The Dead Sea. 1. What do you call a witch who lives near Miami beach?
A sand-witch.

Top 10 Reasons Funny Dogs are better than Men



10. Dogs can be trained.
9. Dogsare cheap to buy gifts for.
8.Dogs don't play games'unless it's fetch.
7. 'No' never means 'yes' to a dog.
6. Dogs never hog the bathroom in the morning.
5. Dogs are always happy to see you.
4. Dogs don't mind eating your leftovers.
3. You can have someone at the kennel watch your dog while you're gone.
2. You can have more than one dog in your house.
1. Dogs feel bad when they've done something wrong.

Top 10 Worst Christmas Carols



10. Frosty the Alcoholic Snowman
9. Arr! The Drunken Pirates Sing
8. I Saw Three Warships (Come Sailing In)
7. Zombie Bells
6. The Little Drummer Gangsta Boy
5. Anything but a Silent Night
4. O' Little Town of Belen
3. Rockin' Around the Christmas Patrol
2. Rudolph, the Substance-Abuse Reindeer
1. Santa Isn't Coming to Town

Top 10 Least Beloved Christmas Stories



10. Randoff, the Smelliest Reindeer
9. The Night Santa was Arrested near the Lincoln Tunnel
8. The 12 Days of Layoffs
7. The Little Match Girl and Her AK-47
6. The Elves and the Shoemaker and Zombies
5. Christmas Day in the Morning, in an Islamic country
4. The Snowman goes to Hawaii
3. The Unholy Night
2. The Nutcracker and His Warrants
1. Christmas Carol'with Roseanne Barr

Top 10 Reasons Chanukah is Cooler than Christmas



1. You don't have to be nice all year to get presents.
2. No need to go shopping for a Chanukah tree.
3. You don't have to put up Chanukah lights outside your house.
4. Eight days of presents instead of one.
5. No '12 Days of Dreidels' song.
6. You don't have to worry about Santa getting stuck in the chimney.
7. There isn't a Putz on 34th Street movie.
8. You don't have to explain that Santa was a lie to your kids.
9. There's no Howie Mandel Chanukah TV Special.
10. The Chanukah story more has elephants.

Top 10 of Santa's "Don Not Fly-To" Street List



  1. Streets with metered rooftop parking.
  2. Streets with sleigh weight restrictions or curb side bag limits.
  3. Streets with rigidly enforced "poop scoop" laws.
  4. Streets informally known to local residents and law enforcement officials as "Crackhouse Row," "Boozecan Alley," or "Bucket of Blood Boulevard."
  5. Any streets located within the city limits of Camden, New Jersey, or Gary, Indiana.
  6. Streets within gated communities with posted "Stand Your Ground" laws.
  7. Streets subject to "Wildlife Prohibited After 10 P.M." ordinances.
  8. Any street where "The Grinches" or "The Scrooges" dwell.
  9. Streets with all-hours open-hunting seasons.
  10. Streets with trans fat or lactose allergy restrictions.

Top 10 Things You Would Never Hear Santa Say



1. "No, thank you. Santa can't eat another cookie." 2. "Do I look fat in this outfit?" 3. "Better dead than red." 4. "Dear Virginia, I hear you don't believe in me. Just for that you're going on the Naughty List! No Christmas presents for you this year! Believe that, bitch!" - SC 5. "It's just too cold tonight. We're gonna have to ground 'er this Christmas." 6. "Ha ha ha! I know where all the naughty girls live." 7. "I wonder what the South Pole's like this time of year?" 8. "You just made my Shit List! Mwuh-ho-ho-ho!" 9. "Have you been drinking, Rudolph?" 10. "Just for fun, let's violate North Korean and Iranian airspace tonight. See if we can heat things up a bit."

Top 10 General Christmas Quotes



  1. Christmas is a race to see which gives out first, your money or your feet.
  2. Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns?
  3. Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.
  4. Every Christmas I only buy gifts for friends when I find out they already got me one.
  5. I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
  6. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. --Shirley Temple
  7. Roses are reddish, violets are bluish, if it werent for Christmas, We'd all be Jewish.
  8. The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
  9. This year, I'm going to buy all of my Christmas gifts from Nike...Made for kids by kids.
  10. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
  11. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

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