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Ideas For Fun Greetings, Well Wishes And Other Verse Ideas For Cards
Greeting Card Ideas | What to Write
Sometimes it's hard to come up with those little, handwritten oneliners to write inside of birthday cards-- or maybe you're just too lazy to come up with something. No matter the reason, NobleWorks Cards has your back! Just scribble in some of these little oneliners and make someone every happy, surprised, angry or all three! Don't forget to check our our funny birthday cards while you're at it.
Nice Greeting Card OnelinersFunny Greeting Card Oneliners
Funny But Mean Birthday Oneliners
Hilarious and Funny Christmas Oneliners
Funny Valentine’s Day Oneliners and Quotes
Funny Halloween Oneliners and Quotes
Jokes To Write In Cards For Mom
Love Quotes for Cards
Sympathy Quotes for Cards
Paraprosdokian Quotes for Cards
Nice Oneliners
Boy, those people older than us and younger than us sure are dumb, right? Happy Birthday!
I'm a leader not a follower! ...unless it's dark, then you go first. Happy Birthday!
Don't break a girl's heart, because she'll probably write a bestselling album about you. Happy B-Day!
Good things come to people who wait. So... procrastinating isn't bad? Happy Birthday!
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things…Best friends don't let you do dumb things alone. Thanks for being a friend.
Funny Oneliners
Never question your sanity... it might answer!
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the team I work in.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again. And stop picking on me, I'm clearly an idiot!
I got bad news and the new Justin Bieber CD. Which one would you like to hear first? Happy Birthday!
I know money can't buy everything, but I would rather cry in my Ferrari. Money bought you this awesome card!
Don't play dumb with me. That's a game you can't win. Happy birthday!
Well what day WILL you have time for my shenanigans? On your birthday, I hope!
I'm not shy. I'm just holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you on your birthday. Have a good one!
Funny But Mean Birthday Onliners
I fell in love at first sight. Sometimes, I wish I had taken a second look. Happy Anniversary!
Some days you just have to remind yourself... Prison orange is not your color! Happy birthday!
Used to think never forgetting a face was a good thing until I saw yours! Happy Birthday.
I'm no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Turns out misery doesn't love company. Happy birthday!
"Always leave them wanting more" is my standard approach to paying adding money to cards. Happy birthday!
Hilarious and Funny Christmas Onliners
What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month? The letter "D."
What did Adam told his girlfriend on December 24th? It's Christmas! Eve.
What did the guest sing at Eskimo's Christmas party? Freeze a jolly good fellow.
What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can't hear you!
What do reindeer have that no other animals on earth have? Baby reindeer.
What do you call a chicken at the North Pole? Lost.
What kind of pine has the sharpest needles? A porcupine.
Whose Christmas parties are full of screams? Dracula's.
Funny Valentine’s Day Oneliners and Quotes for Her and Him
What did the painter say to her boyfriend? “I love you with all my art!”
What does a man who loves his car do on February 14? He gives it a valenshine!
What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse? “I’ve got a crutch on you!”
Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank? It was a case of guppy love.
What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts.
What do you call a very small valentine? A valentiny.
What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend? “Be my valenstein!”
Why did the Valentine Ape put clothes on the valentines he sent? Because they said his words needed to be “dressed up.”
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day? Hog and kisses.
Funny Halloween Oneliners and Quotes
What are the days of the Vampire week? Moonday, Toothday, Veinsday, Thirstday and Frightday.
What's a vampire's favorite fast food? A guy with very high blood pressure
What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel
Why are vampires stupid? Because they are all suckers.
Why are vampire jokes bad? Because they are a pain in the neck.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
What type of pet dog do vampire's like the best? Bloodhounds.
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? Stake sandwiches.
Where does a vampire have lunch? The casketaria
What surgery does a vampire doctor perform? Fly by night operations
Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death? He couldn't find any doolb.
Did you hear about the unsuccessful vampire hunter? He tried to kill a vampire by driving a pork chop through its heart because steaks were too expensive.
Jokes To Write For Mom In Cards
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because their kids have to play inside.
What did the mother rope say to the pope? Don’t be knotty.
Sam: Bob’s mom had four children. Three of them were named North, East and South. What was her other child’s name?
Joe: West?
Sam: No, Larry.
What did the digital clock say to her mother? Look, ma! No hands!
How come the mother needle got mad at the baby needle? It was past his thread time.
Why are computers so smart? They ask their motherboard.
Love Quotes for Cards
Do not think about the past and past due. Accept the present. Think for the future & face tomorrow with a sweet and beautiful smile.
If someone really loves you, they wouldn’t let you slip away no matter how hard the situation is.
Sometimes no matter how much you try to speak your heart out, words aren’t just enough to describe how you truly feel.
Never forget who was there for you when no one else was.
It’s not the person you missed, but the feelings and moments you had when you two are together.
The best things in life are the people you love, the places you have seen and the memories you have made along the way.
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
I wish memories were like text messages. Deleting the ones you hate and keeping the ones you like.
I don’t want to be your whole world. Just your favorite part.
You can teach math science history philosophy but you can’t teach common sense.
If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse.
When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom.
We always ignore the ones who adore us, and adore those who ignore us.
I sit here and wonder if you’ll ever understand just how much of me belongs to you.
Sympathy Quotes for Cards
NobleWorks currently doesn’t carry funny sympathy cards since those are quite the Debby Downers and NobleWorks is all about fun and laughter and not cards to send when people die. But in life, loved ones do die and offering condolence is helpful. “Condolence” is a way of saying people are grieving and sharing the pain of a beloved person’s passing. Here are some short and (not funny) condolences to add to a sympathy card.
Short Condolences
Words can never express the sorrow over how sorry we feel about ---
May our love and words of condolence help you through the days ahead of you.
Accept our deeply heartfelt condolences in this time of sadness.
We are deeply sad over the passing of ---
--- brought so much to this life that we will never forget (him/her).
Our prayers are with you in this time of sorrow.
Personal Condolences
Hold on to the precious memories and lean on your family for strength. Never forget how much you are cared about.
Even though no words can bring a person back, do know that you are in our thoughts.
May the peace that comes from the memories of love shared comfort you now and in the days ahead.
Please accept our most heartfelt sympathies for your loss. We share your grief in this time of bereavement with deepest sympathy and condolence.
We are honoring the memory of --- today and every day. It was a great loss.
Paraprosdokian Quotes
Paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the second half of the sentence is surprising or unexpected.
- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
- Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
- We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
- War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a funny fruit salad.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify: 'I put 'DOCTOR'.
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- You're never too old to learn something from a stupid squirrel.
- I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
